Zimbabweans find joblessness funny

ONE characteristic about Zimbabweans is that they always look for a laugh even in a bad situation.

The job crisis in Zimbabwe has led people to create silly jobs on social media, as a way of lightening up during this crisis.

Hopes were that the new dispensation will quickly improve the situation, but it seems the unemployment rate, which is estimated to be over 90 percent, is growing every day.

Forget about vending, there are new occupations in town to end people problems among them, returning an unwanted lover, licking thread for easier placement through the needle hole, beating up people among others.

Social media has been abuzz with these weird “for hire” jobs in Zimbabwe.

One of the services on offer reads: Tinocollector varume vanenge vari kumabhawa vasingadzoke kumba every Friday munongoti tumira mufananidzo wake nebhawa raanonwira chete, touya naye kumba (We collect husbands who do not return home every Friday, just supply us with information on his favourite bar, and we will bring him back home).

Tinonhanzva shinda yekuisa tsono $0,50 cents (We lick thread for easy penetration on the needle $0,50).

Tinozvarira varume vana kana zvichinge zvanetsa ku big house $500 boys, $20 girls (We offer surrogacy for those struggling — $500 boys, $20 girls)”

Tinodzorera vasikana vanenge vatizira kumba kwavo mamoyo $10, Chihera $100, masibanda $30, (we return unwanted lovers to their homes who would have eloped)

Ndinodzosera humhandara; vasina kumbozvara $50, vakambozvara $200 inbox for details (we restore virginity)

Ndinoratidza mawives magirlfriends evarume vavo $1 for a name $5 just a picture, $10 ma messages, $15 listen in on phone calls. (we show wives their husbands’ girlfriends).
— Bridget Mananavire


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